Have you heard Jesus knocking lately? If you have, did you open the door and eat with him? If not, why not? If you haven't heard Jesus knocking, are you sure you're listening?

I've been in each of the above situations. I've pushed Jesus so far out of my life at times that he didn't bother knocking on my door. That's not to say he deserted me. He simply left me alone until I cried out to him. Jesus just isn't that pushy.
Then there were the times he knocked and I didn't answer. Sometimes I'm afraid to answer because of some sin in my life. He's so good. Who am I to be in his presence? Other times I've been afraid of what he might ask of me. Following Jesus requires sacrifice and there are times when I simply hold too tight to what's in my life. Sometimes (probably most times) I'm just stubborn. I'm comfortable and Jesus coming around usually equals change. I don't like change very much. It's uncomfortable and unknown. So what if it's better? It's change.

Jesus started knocking on my heart when I was just a child but I didn't understand that knock until I was in my 20s. I accepted him as my Savior but didn't really invite him to be my Lord until much later, at which time he stirred a desire in me to teach, a desire that was quickly squashed by life circumstances, a loved one who didn't understand, and my struggle with being a woman and whether or not I should teach because of it. I kicked Jesus out for a while. Why would he do this to me? He gave me the desire to teach but being female made the dream impossible.

I went through a season of deep hurt, anger, resentment and confusion. Some might call this a wilderness experience.

Over several years, Jesus slowly revealed bits and pieces of the plan he had for my life. As I said, he never left, he just didn't knock until I asked him for an explanation. That brought him to my door, but I was still terribly afraid to answer. I picture this time as him and me conversing through the door because I was so afraid to actually let him in.

When I did open the door he showed me more of the plan he had created me for. He even set me on the path. I returned to university in order to earn my bachelor's in Christian Leadership. I was terrified and excited at the same time. But when life intervened yet again and it seemed to me that the dream was unattainable, I became angry and kicked Jesus out again. How could he be so cruel twice?!

After another wilderness experience, this one much shorter. I asked Jesus back and actually opened the door when I heard him knock. Answering this knock sent me back to school for my MBA. As the classes progressed, my relationship with God deepened and changed. However, my relationship with the body of Christ turned rotten. Much of my study was in regards to churches and how they were conducting themselves and what I found was more than disappointing, it made me angry. Where was the church in society? I found a lot of rhetoric against people and their beliefs, I found a lot of hatred and angry words, but I found very little love and even less action to help the communities where they were located. Those that were "doing something" to bring Christ to the community were few. I was incensed.

My anger led me in the wrong direction. I stopped attending churches all together and bashed them to whomever I thought might listen. I cried and I yelled at God. But the classes continued and my relationship with God grew stronger and deeper. He finally convinced me that if I wanted to spread the love of Jesus then the anger was going to have to go. I couldn't love Jesus and hate his body. It just didn't work that way. So I began to see Christ's body through Christ's eyes. It was battered and beaten, but ready for resurrection. Instead of anger I began to feel compassion. Instead of tears of frustration I cried tears of sorrow and empathy and repentance for myself and for my brothers and sisters in Christ. By the time my last class started, Jesus was well on his way to convincing me that my attitude had been wrong.

The last class of the MBA has students creating a business plan and when it came time to define my focus group I knew my heart had to change. I was still defining that group with venom but with the help of Jesus I finally let go. The focus group was defined in love and the rest of the plan just came together. When a follower of Christ allows the love of Jesus to poor in, it also must poor out and in the pages that's what it did. By the end of Capstone, Jesus Is Knocking had a start-up-business plan created and my heart was so full of compassion for Christ's body I thought I might explode. What had started as a misty dream so many years ago now had a tangible piece complete and it was time get moving. One part of my journey was over, and the next was just beginning. TOP