I have to admit, this is a very personal post. I buried my granddad yesterday. I didn’t know him well for many reasons and so there are regrets associated with his death that make this harder than it otherwise would be. I wish I had gotten to hear his stories I keep hearing were so good. I wish I had seen the kindness everyone talks about. “I wish” are words I wish weren’t associated with how I feel right now but they are. I think we all wish for more time with a loved one who dies, but the wishes that come from regret are like lemon juice to the wound.
Over the last year I did spend more time with him and my grandmother (who we lost just 10 weeks before my granddad) as well as writing to them. As my granddad lay in the hospital for the last 10 weeks I visited as much as I was able to and again, wrote when I couldn’t get down there. I think in the end he knew he was loved but he didn’t get to return that as much as I think he would have liked. But I smile at the times I was able to make him smile. He prayed for me as much as he could and said what he could. I worshiped with him the last time I was there and that is a memory I will treasure. He loved God right up to the end and I got to share in that love for our Father. What a blessing.
Death has a way of highlighting life. Those left behind start thinking about what’s really important and most of us find that what’s really important are the relationships in our lives. The question is, am I cultivating those relationships as much as I can? My answer is no, I’m not. I can do better, including the one I have with God.
“Thank You, Lord that I will see my granddad again and we will once again share in worshiping you, gathered with the angels and other saints. Thank You for the time I did have with him and thank You for what I’ve learned. Help me to cultivate the relationships I have and those yet to be. Teach me your ways, oh, Lord. Teach us all. Amen.”